My Autobiography - 2

by Mick Tulk

micktulk@hotmail.com
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Upstairs Bigtime

I don't know what caused me to reach over and pick up the book that was beside the bed. Did I know it was a bible? I just can't remember but sure enough thats what it was. Did Mitch place it there for me? Was he reading it himself? Did they put them there for all the students? Again I don't know. All I do know is that as soon as I read a few words I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the God of this book had spoken to me.

If I can explain like this, I read the words (Revelation Ch.3 vs 1-6 ), the Spirit of God spoke to my spirit (it was not audible as such) and then what I had heard was also before me in black and white to confirm the experience. Other people have heard God speak through the bible but His voice is heard through preaching and in other ways too. Still this experience left me with an unshakeable faith that Jesus is alive and that every promise He ever uttered is infallibly true.

So Jesus had called me into covenant relationship with Himself through His death on the cross for my sins and His resurrection that was this very moment giving me the new life I could feel within and without... rags to riches in no time at all, and I hadn't done a thing to bring it about, let alone to earn such a thing.

The first benefit I felt in those first moments was that I knew I was free from all desire for drugs...any drugs! That was a complete miracle. I couldn't wait for Mitch to come back so I could tell him what had happened. It didn't feel like preaching, it was just naturally trying to share with others this astounding thing that had happened to me. I had to get back to Sydney and tell all the old crowd the story so I hitched with some guys in a car but the driver turned out to be drinking a bottle of whisky with one hand and nonchalantly steering with the other. Considering this was a bendy road right beside a lake this was not a good idea. Suddenly the bonnet flew up completely obscuring vision ahead. How we stopped safely I can only put down to angelic protection.

Back *Home*

When I finally got to Sydney I thought I'd start at Whisky a go go, a club where everyone used to hang out. I had the idea of getting up on stage and ambushing everyone with the gospel. Fortunately it didn't work out that way and instead I ran into Tony. He had often jammed on harmonica when we played there and now I was amazed to see he was handing out little rainbow coloured new testaments to people. He had also become a Christian as so many were from the rock and hippy scene in those heady days. He was a member of the God Squad, a motorbike christian group and he gave me a lift to see someone he said I should meet. This was my introduction to Teen Challenge and the work they do with people like myself coming out of the drug scene.

T.C. including Tlc

Tiny was the director of the drop in centre in the red light district of Sydney and he was happy to talk to me. I felt the love flowing toward me from this wonderful christian right from the start but it was some months before I finally signed up to the rehabilitation programme Teen Challenge ran in a suburb a few miles away.

The last thing my pride wanted to do was admit I needed any human help. I had got free from drugs and did not have the least desire to return to them but my thinking had become so warped I not only needed to get sorted out to understand the implications of a biblical faith but also learn to function in society again. So Although from time to time I 'dropped in' to the drop in, saw the volunteers' obvious love of Jesus, heard them speak in tongues etc. I still kept a distance, staying at my old room in Darlinghurst.

It was in my room at that house not long after I met Tiny and heard people speaking in tongues that I had an amazing experience. I had been reading in John's gospel about Jesus' promise of baptism in the Holy Spirit to His disciples. I had taken Jesus at His word and prayed for this myself. Suddenly one night very soon afterwards I was in the room alone praying when it seemed heaven opened up above me and I could almost see and touch Jesus, His presence was so real to me. This was the baptism in the Spirit I had been praying for. I could feel a divine power welling up within and with tears in my eyes I immediately wanted to get out in that street and speak to people about the wonderful love of God.

The first people I ran into were a couple, married or not I don't know, but they were at each others' throats for some reason. I couldn't believe it as I went up to them and spoke a few words, still with this power of God manifesting itself in me, and saw them suddenly receive a wonderful peace and reconciliation. I simply was full of the love of God and had to let it flow out to someone. After that it was downhill a bit as I overdid the preaching, sometimes subjecting complete strangers to a reading of the entire Book of Revelation but the amazing thing was that I was so enthusiastic and sincere that most of them sat through the whole thing. Yes I was convinced (and still am by the way) that Jesus is about to return soon and Revelation seemed to be the vehicle to wake folks up to that event, (remember God had revealed Himself to me through that book).

However I soon came to realise that my John the Baptist strategy was probably not God's ideal for me. Maybe I just wanted to hear the sound of my own voice a bit too much. Then I had the idea of singing in the street for Jesus, so I sold my electric guitar, bought an accoustic and brushed up my repertoire of about 3 songs. Well, after all, I had felt the call to follow Jesus unreservedly, leave everything and like Abraham venture out into the unknown, but unlike Abraham I couldn`t stick it for more than a day or two and I was glad to get into that Rehab program at Teen Challenge.

Rubber Hits Road

It was there that I found physical strength through daily excercise, emotional healing of memories, and spiritual guidance. First and foremost it was a spirtual programme led by Tiny, Gary and their wives. Gary Grant had the rehab centre, a sprawling estate half suburbian, half rural with quite an acreage of market garden and every Sunday we piled into a van and headed for the centre in Macleay St. downtown. There Tiny, Gary or one of the other leaders gave us spiritual preaching and teaching from the Bible.

I loved those times. I knew God was laying a foundation for my life. Meanwhile out at Marrickville all of us on the programme were literally having our broken lives pieced back together by Jesus. I even had to learn to talk again because I had got so used to the hip, cool street jargon that I just didn`t know how to speak proper English anymore! This rehab programme was sometimes very, very painful, sometimes joyful but I could always see that it was necessary because a walk of faith with Jesus is something that is continuous and has to start on the right foundation or it will go off track all too easily. Sometimes you do that despite what you have been taught but Jesus said 'I am the Way' and He is the way to get back on track with God.

Da Program

We made some good friendships as we were mostly ex-dopers and even though some didn`t make through the whole thing, the finish rate was extremely high, about 80%.

Frank Goeree was put in charge of the boys. He was twice our age and one look at his face told you he had had more fights than I had hot dinners. There was no point in thinking about arguing with him even if you wanted to. He carried a .38 but only shot crocodiles. When he joined T.C he surrendered it, I am glad to say. Actually he was a gentle giant and we accepted him completely. His was the job of instilling a bit of discipline into our lives. That meant up at 6.30 or 7am to wash the mould of the old fruit he had picked up from the greengrocers that morning. Once it had been doctored it was really quite edible. We users were getting our lost appetites back so we had no problem with that type of grub.

You'd think it would be bedlam, all these people girls and boys mixed, particularly with the history we all had, but because we all trusted Jesus most things went smoothly. One girl got pregnant but though she left she couldn't stay away long. She knew the truth was here. Some of the rules seemed a bit unnessecary, such as not being allowed to talk to others about your old habits, but that was vital in kicking the 'monkey on the mind' - that is the mind habit that grips a heroin user. If he can get it off his mind he`ll have a chance.

There was a no smoking rule, too, and this proved a big problem for some but it was strictly enforced. It was said that nobody had been known to kick heroin unless they could kick nicotine first. I'm not sure about that but I see the point. God took the need for cigarettes away from me immediately so I had no problem.

As I think I mentioned before, this was a time of Christian revival in Australia with hundreds or thousands of hippies and rock musos experiencing conversion to Jesus. It was widely known as the Jesus Revolution and felt more natural than some might think because hippies live a collective lifestyle already and flow relatively seamlessly into the collective lifestyle of a Christian faith.

Ian was a bit of an exception. He had lived on the margins in a gay relationship. His mannerisms and speech were outlandishly 'camp' but after finding Jesus and coming on the program he had been able to relinquish the gay way of life and start again. Anything with a bit of innuendo was a sure signal for Ian to go into hysterics followed by his throwing his arms around you (in brotherly love) and assuring you that all he needed was a `lot of love and understanding`. He was a great bloke and we came to respect him. By the end of the program he had actually changed into a real man and soon afterward married (a woman of course).

Bad News

Because we had come through some deep problems to get this far the sense of emancipation was profound. I was working as a volunteer in the Teen Challenge coffee bar by this time. I had not taken on the responsiblities of the world of work but felt all the same that nothing could stop me as I had Jesus to answer all my needs.

This was, of course, a bit of a fool's paradise and I was soon to come down to earth with a crash - I'd got news from Joan in London that Dad was very ill. She wouldn't say what it was but would I try to get back for Mum's sake. There was some truth in what she said there but she was trying to divert the attention away from Dad to Mum, making me think hers was the greatest need. What she didn`t tell me was that it was lung cancer in the final stages.

I just wasn't prepared. I had no money but Gary gave me the air fare and Joan met me at the airport. Until then I had not had the courage to tell my family what I'd fallen into in Australia. Joan's eyes met mine 'It was heroin' I told her, 'I thought so' she replied with love and forgiveness in her voice. Then it was facing my old dear mother at the door, cup of tea ready, a few halting cofessions ---and then Dad.

In bed in the front room lay the ghost of my dad, his fine physique now just a shell. He struggled a little to prop himself up, but the only power left in that frame was in his eyes, which were turned to me. Heavily under morphine, he recognised me and bid me to have a glass of sherry with him. I saw it as a welcome home but later realised for him it must have been a goodbye. I choked it down in an agony of guilt. I had told him I had become a Christian but was that enough, shouldn't I have done more? Leaving him to rest, I gasped out tearfully 'Jesus will make you better dad' only half believing it. A few days later Dad was in a hospice and within a week he was gone.

Mum took it bad - they had loved each other dearly, and she had nursed him virtually singlehandedly through the illness, and now she was alone. I was there, Joan was there, Kate was there, but mum was left alone to stare at the empty chair. I did what I could to bring her around to start in life again, and my dear mum, all 7 stone of her, had the emotional and physical constitution of an ox, so before too long there was the flicker of some smiles, some laughs and eventually an even keel. I felt I had to stay on with mum so I got a job at a plastics factory in Sivertown, Woolwich. It was the dead of winter and I nearly froze to death after the heat of Sydney. Is there anywhere quite as bleak as Woolwich in winter?

English Church

I'd also started going to a church, a few doors away from Joan's house in East Ham. She said she could sometimes hear the sound of people loudly singing praise on Sundays and some weekdays. In fact, the caretakers wife, lived next door to Joan who had approached her to try to find more about my situation when I was still in Sydney. So it was inevitable that I would find my way to this Pentecostal church. I was accepted with a lot of love there which was a great source of comfort to me, but because of my circumstances I wondered, subconsciously I suppose, if God was not punishing me for being such a spiritual failure. In many ways I felt I'd left my faith behind back in Australia. In fact I felt I had lost it altogether. But gradually, through something here and something there it began to grow stronger.

Work? O Yes, I Remember

Stan was the chief inspector at B.T.R. plastics. He was very conscientious, having to work to rigid aircraft authority standards - I was his assistant, only allowed to inspect to M.O.D. standard. I was actually amazed that I was able to do the job having been literally hopeless at school with anything maths-like. Now I faced the challenge, bought a reckoner and buried myself in arithmetic practice in my spare time. I think it paid off in the end. At that time nobody used computers as such but mechanical adding machines with wheels and spindles looking something like a very large combination lock.

I am sure that God answered my prayers for help with the arithmetic and I quite enjoyed it after a while. I liked the people I worked with and told them my story, how I got involved with drugs and how I got off. They accepted me too and I used to take my breaks in their canteen instead of separately. But the work had its down side. I used to regularly get a belt of static electricity from the piled up plastic sheets that had come straight out of the sander. Only 50 volts but they certainly made you jump, and then the sanded sheets would end up sanding your own fingers down after handling a lot.

There was talk of lost orders and a possible move to Gloucester after a takeover by Permali. This seemed like a good time to say goodbye to uncle Stan and my workmates as I had no intention of moving to Gloucester, but getting another job wasn't so easy. The only one I could find was as a bacon hand in a supermarket in Ilford. Joe was the provisions manager and Irish. He liked a drink but when he'd had a few I was the butt of his fury. In some ways that job was more soul-jarring than B.T.R. and certainly less rewarding. Key Markets closed down for shopfitting so I was out of a job again.

Go West Young Man

Job followed job, all pretty menial stuff until I got one that was so dead end I knew there would have to be some sort of change in my life. My church life lacked any direction too but then out of the blue a young evangelist I had known when I first got back to England and who had moved to Devon invited me to come down and join in a musical evangelistic venture he headed up.

I had no other options and I knew deep down I had to get out of my poor mum's hair so I took up the offer and got on a coach to Barnstaple. We made a garage tape in John's backyard studio and did some visits to schools along with live open air venues but the sense of freedom went to my head and I got involved with Johns sister. One thing led to another and I ended up doing things a so called evangelist should not do! I felt God had brought his sister (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent) and me together as husband and wife so who needed a marriage licence? How wrong I was, as even after we were legally married I couldn't forgive myself for my foolishness, especially as I was supposed to be part of a Christian ministry.

Well inevitably the marriage did not last and I hold myself responsible, but after our separation and eventual divorce I found God's great mercy and forgiveness in another Devon town close by and began to make a new start. It was there I learned the craft of upholstery which, I know, sounds a bit woossy but actually is very rewarding although it is also very labour intensive. I have been a self employed-upholsterer for the past 25 years and at the moment work for a local charity as their upholsterer.

Epilogue

I am now a part of the Christian Outreach Centre movement, a worldwide church with a big vision to see unchurched (and churched) people come into a saving faith in Jesus Christ. If nothing else I hope my little story here has emphasised the biblical foundation of such a faith, that it is rooted in the historical person of Jesus Christ and the events immediately following, which laid the foundation, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, for the church which has continued, despite all attacks, seen and unseen, to this present day.

I am a more fulfilled person than I have ever been and attribute that to what God is doing in my life, namely fulfilling all His good promises in His own good time.Yes there is a time for every purpose and I can now look back over my life and know that God has used and crafted every experience of my life not just to make me a good person, far more than that--- to make me into something so far beyond human reach as to be considered impossible. To make me into the likeness of His own son, Jesus.

Mick



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